In this cynical world where everything sucks, this one factoid is a certainty. Vacuums really do suck. Seriously. They do. That's how they actually do their job...by sucking. Could you imagine if we all got paid to do our job by actually sucking at what we do? HOLD THE PHONE! I think I just described myself - I suck too, people tell me that all the time! Holy crap, I think I missed my f**king calling. I shoulda been a vacuum! But for some ridiculous reason, they continue to hand me pay stubs with predictable regularity while I sit in my cube feigning competence (when I'm not in the kitchen scrounging free leftovers), so who the hell am I to complain? What I'm saying here is that vacuums aren't the only thing that suck around here, though they might be more reliable and productive than I am.